Business Communication WA Revisions

The original assignment was to create a letter of intent, resume, and a response email for a potential real-life job that we would like to apply for. We were asked to keep in mind the professional formats for these writings, and encouraged to write for a position that we planned to actually pursue at some point in the future so that the assignment had real-life value outside of the classroom. I chose to apply my writing to the position of Red Raider Orientation Captain with the Center for Campus Life.

The critiques given to me by my instructor after my first draft (Business Comm WA Instructor Notes) where reflective of my experience with the format, and also my familiarity with the position I was applying for. The majority of the critiques given to me had to deal mostly with punctuation, more specifically my tendency to overuse commas in sentences. Aside from punctuation errors, the rest of the critiques focused on phrasing, and emphasizing key points in the writing.

I reviewed the critiques from the original draft and applied them to my writing to create my second draft, and performed the following revisions.

  • Firstly, I removed anything that the instructor notes deemed unnecessary, most of which had to do with the formatting of the letter.
  • The next step was correcting my “comma-happy” mistakes by removing all commas marked unnecessary, and rereading my work to understand how to not make the same mistakes in the future.
  • The largest revision that I made was rephrasing, and emphasizing points that the instructor’s notes deemed unclear or poorly articulated. This particular revision cause me to focus more on my writing style and less on the mechanics of my writing.

I also received critiques for my second draft (Business WA_Revised_Instructor Notes). These critiques where far fewer than the amount of critiques from the original draft. This shows the level of improvement that I was able to achieve in after taking the original critiques into consideration. Another thing to note about the second round of critiques is that they had very little to do with my writing style and the mechanics of my writing. The critiques on my second draft were focused on adding depth to my writing.

  • I removed redundant, or useless verbiage that did little but add to the overall word count instead of adding meaning to my writing. I also removed repetitive words, or the same word used in two sentences back to back. By changing this I was able to help maintain the reader’s attention.
  • The second largest revision performed in my final draft was substituting words for words that better conveyed my intended meaning, and added to the overall quality of the work.
  • The last thing to be changed where a small number of punctuation, and spelling inconsistencies.

In the end, I feel that my final draft (Business Writing assignment_Final Draft) developed well over the course of the revision process. The drafts acted as filters, the first catching the majority of the GSP errors as well as formatting issues, and the second helping to improve the overall quality of the work as well as the depth of the writing in the final draft.

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